Bigger Smaller Bigger

by with John Berardi & Martin Rooney

Note To Future Me


Today I slept in on purpose.

I’ve been waking up at 6:30 AM, but today I didn’t get out of bed till 10:00 AM.

It’s Sunday after all, and I don’t really have a lot going on today. And I’m sure my body and brain enjoyed the sleep. (I know my brain did because I had some crazy-ass dreams about mansions and chainsaws and flea-markets. What the hell does that mean? )

But the real reason I slept in was to reduce the amount of hours I have left until I can eat again. The less time I’m fully conscious and aware of my stomach grumbling, the better.

I’m not finding fasting incredibly difficult, but let’s not lie here: Going 24 hours without food is very uncomfortable. It’s annoying. It’s like my body knows I’m doing something I’m not supposed to do.

Listen, dude, you know you can die if you do this for another week or two, right? So, uh, how about some food?

But there is one huge bright spot for me: I have a lot of free time.

(Actually, there are two bright spots: my fast days, as you already know, are helping me stay lean throughout my this weight gaining phase.)

But having a lot of time is only something that’s good in theory. As anyone who’s watched The Price Is Right four times in a row or spent an hour on YouTube screwing around can tell you, free time doesn’t necessarily translate to productive time. In fact, too much time can become poisonous.

So on my fast days I’ve been trying to be more productive, but not in the way you may think. I don’t work on website stuff or other projects. I don’t work on business.

Instead, I work on me.

I read books and volunteer. I go for walks and call friends and family to catch up. I spend time with Richelle. I drink gourmet coffee and tea and watch documentaries.

I do all the stuff I always struggle to find time to do.

During the week days I tell myself I’m too busy. I overestimate how much work I really have, and how long it’ll take. I convince myself that calling my friends or family to catch up will take forever and that I should just put it off till later.

But that’s all bullshit and I know it.

I also know that when this is all over and I go back to my normal routine I’ll try to fill my days with unimportant work and other time wasters again. I’ll convince myself I don’t have the time to slow down.

So I guess I’ll have to read this and remind myself how misguided that really is.

(Hey, Future Nate: Stop wasting time on stupid shit and go do something fun and meaningful. Also, did you ever find your wallet? I lost it a couple days ago.)

That should do it.

Other highlights from Day 21

  • Admiring myself in the mirror and generally being vain. With no food in me, my abs are looking ripped.

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